Jasper (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
guffawsungraciously) wrote2020-06-30 04:08 pm
guffawsungraciously) wrote2020-06-30 04:08 pmpsl time: single dad au edition
oops, someone fucked up!
guffawsungraciously) wrote2020-06-30 04:08 pm
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[...he says, with the distracted air of someone trying to mentally figure out how much time is elapsed...]
I will... see you then.
[...she seems calm enough as Hendrik leaves, so Jasper heads up into the castle. Fortunately, it’s relatively quiet.
...no, wait, as he walks further in, it almost seems too deserted. People should still be milling about and patrolling, shouldn’t they? Maybe it’s just that he arrived at the perfect time... or maybe, as the cold chill running through his spine and hairs sticking up on the back of his neck would suggest, he’s already been noticed.
“I had wondered what sort of explanation you would provide for your sudden absence, Jasper. It seems as though some prior carelessness has caught up to you, has it not? Now, how closely should I follow how King Carnelian would have reacted to this, I wonder...”
He swallows, trying to come across as calm despite how pointless he knows it to be. It’s an instinct that he can’t shake off, even in the face of the demon wearing the king’s body, who seems able to peer through skin, muscle, and bone straight though to his very soul...
...
He at least manages to get away physically unscathed. The child is outright crying instead of fussing, but he’s laser-focused on getting back to his room. If anyone tries to stop him he doesn’t notice, and he doesn’t quite come back to reality until the door to his room is tightly shut behind him and he’s slumped down against it.
...right. Calm down baby. Figure out where to set baby down for now. Maybe figure out... where baby should sleep...? Well, anyway, by the time Hendrik’s returned, the baby is aimlessly wiggling in the middle of his bed, and Jasper is going through his room for... anything that might be kind of useful? Also there is an open bottle of wine on his desk. It is clear that he’s started on it, but there’s no goblet in sight............]
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Apologies, Obsidian. Unusual circumstances all around.
[He strokes the horse's mane once more before mounting. He's ridden bareback only a few times in the past, as a much younger lad learning about "harnessing wildness" under Don Rodrigo, but the bruises made the time ... memorable.
He still manages to lightly kick Obsidian into a walk and then into a trot, covering the snowy ground much faster than if he had trekked through the main streets. There is still a fair bit of lighting from the houses, but he will probably want to buy a lantern for the return trip just to be safe.
The general store is still open when he arrives, and the shopkeeper is more than a little surprised to see someone of his rank practically stumbling in. He apologizes for the late visit ... and apologizes again when he realizes he's not brought enough gold for more than a few things, but the shopkeeper is more than willing to settle the matter of money tomorrow.
The only things he can't get from the general store are the most important things... But he's thankful the shopkeeper locks up and gestures for him to follow over to the inn. Soon enough he's riding back up to the castle stables with what he hopes will be enough to keep the mysterious baby fed until morning.
After giving Obsidian a much needed toweling off, Hendrik hurries back into the castle, lugging a sack of goods. The round trip must have been nearly an hour, even trying to move quickly, and he knocks on the door across the hall from his own, in a way that he hasn't done for a good while now.
...He'll deal with that guilt and regret later. Yes.]
Jasper?
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Come in, Hendrik.
[...he heads back over to his chaise, where he has a spare treasure chest on the table in front of him that he is in the process of trying to remove the lid of. There are already some spare blankets stuffed into it...
...
Wait, no, he should probably bring the baby over for a size comparison, especially since he’s going to be attending to her soon anyway. She’s fussing a bit as well, so. You know. Probably needs... something. Probably food? Maybe just attention. Well, in fairness, he kind of gets it...]
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My apologies for the delay. I had to go to the inn to buy milk.
[What a clever trick by the inn staff, milking in the afternoon and sticking the milk bottles in the snow to bring them down to a colder temperature quickly.
He walks over to join Jasper around the table, taking up the other side to place the bottle of cold milk, a half loaf of bread, bibs and clean squares of cloth, and medicinal ointment. There's also a lidded bucket, which takes the majority of space in the sack, with cleaning supplies inside it.]
This should be enough to get through the night. I do not know precisely how much the baby should be fed.
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[Jasper had been so frazzled that he’d barely been able to keep track of the time Hendrik had been gone...]
I... believe it is fine, Hendrik. You ought to dry off a bit before you catch your death.
[...he’ll look through everything later, he’s pretty sure she’s hungry by now. He reaches for the bottle of milk, then... furrows his brow at Hendrik’s statement...]
...I would imagine she will stop eating when she is satisfied. That seems how these sorts of things go.
[he sounds a little uncertain, though... but okay. Hm. Let him... adjust her a bit, go for the bottle again, and sort of tilt it uncertainty so she can drink... it’s probably more awkward than a breast, but she seems to figure it out pretty quickly and quiets down from her fussing now that she has Food.]
How much do I owe you, in any case?
[He doesn’t look up to Hendrik, because he’s kind of focused on making sure he doesn’t, you know, spill anything. ...ah. He hasn’t... really spent that much time looking at her specifically, has he? Goddess, she’s so small... now that she isn’t swaddled, he sees her tiny fists balled up as she eats and...
...
Aw fuck there he goes. He shouldn’t get attached, he should probably find her a better home than this, it’s not like he doesn’t have connections, some childless noble family will probably welcome her... but does he trust them, is the thing.
...
Is that better than here? Better the devil you know and so on... ugh, damn it, why did this have to be happening...]
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[His brows knit together at the baby drinking from the cold bottle, concerned that the baby may have been so hungry that cold milk is considered an okay option.]
You will want to tip the bottle away once in awhile to see if the baby wants to continue drinking. It is very easy to overfeed a hungry baby.
[He ignores the suggestion to dry off for now, grabbing one of the bibs and approaching Jasper and the baby to slide the bib over the baby's chest. It's a level of interference he really shouldn't risk, considering how Jasper had reacted earlier, but he rationalizes that it's all to keep them somewhat clean.]
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[GRUMBLE GRUMBLE.
...also wait just a second, it’s probably because he’s stopped being in a state of panic....... mostly... but it’s just now clicking to him how weird this is.]
How do you know about all of this, anyway? Was childcare inexplicably part of your training in Puerto Valor...?
[.............he’s not bothered by the idea that Hendrik might know more about something than him, that would never be the case, he is completely secure in—
...honestly it’s probably a good thing Hendrik did that because before Jasper can protest the baby has a belated realization of EW, THIS MILK IS COLD, and starts fussing again. After she has been eating for a few seconds.]
What— I thought you were hungry...
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Babies will be used to warm milk, especially if they were breastfed at any point.
[He looks around Jasper's room. It's suddenly quite notable to him that Jasper doesn't have a glass for his wine anywhere.]
Do you have a teacup anywhere...? So we can set some milk by the hearth and let it warm.
[Actually, maybe if he doesn't address the matter of payment, Jasper will forget about it altogether.]
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[a surprisingly clever tactic, Hendrik, especially since Jasper keeps getting hung up on "how do you know so damned much about babies..." his mind goes in some pretty weird directions before settling on "he was way more enthusiastic about the baby princess, maybe he was more involved with helping out," even if it never quite gets to "he was the youngest of four and had to hear a bunch of embarrassing stories about himself."]
He sets the bottle back on the table before answering, since, well, baby isn't having a good time with it]
There is a tea set in the cabinet over there. It should not be too difficult for you to find.
[...oh, and she's made a mess of things, now that he's looking at her. The... bib is for wiping her face off, too, right? Best do that, while grumbling a little at her...]
...honestly, I should not encourage you lest you get picky and spoiled. You are already a little freeloader.
[grumble grumble, get a job, baby.]
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[Hendrik heads over to the cabinet at Jasper's direction, opening it up; the tea set is easy enough to find in there. He grabs the teapot instead of the teacup, quickly deciding it would probably be better to warm up more milk considering he doesn't know how much the baby will drink. He takes the teapot and a teacup back over to the table, pouring milk into the teapot before carrying it over to fireplace to carefully position it nearby.
He doesn't really hear what Jasper is mumbling to the baby, remaining by the fireplace to keep an eye on the teapot, but it is a surprisingly heartwarming scene. He doesn't remember ever seeing Jasper hold the baby princess when they were children, but he imagines it would have been similar.
...If only the princess hadn't died.
...
Ah. With everything going on, he hadn't even asked one of the more important questions.]
So what is the little one's name?
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Hm, if we wanted to make you earn your keep, we could put you to work as an alarm, I imagine. You certainly are loud enough when you want to be.
[...oh, right, that question... he kind of... doesn't want to answer. because um.
...um.]
That would be... something of a work in progress.
[...
...
...]
She, erm.
[............................]
...do you think I should find a nice family or something like that.
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...
The answer he receives is ... more than a little unexpected. He hadn't known what to think when he saw Jasper with the baby in the first place, but...]
What do you mean? Does she-- [because if Jasper says the baby is a "she," he presumes the baby is a "she"] --not have a nice family?
[...Um. Maybe... He takes a moment to check on the teapot before looking back at Jasper.]
Perhaps we should start at the beginning?
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...um. hm. well. um.
...
There's no getting around this, huh.]
...I...
[...he fiddles with his bangs and tries not to look too suspicious]
...
Her mother and I had met during my spring vacation in Puerto Valor this year, and she was not in a position to care for this... specific child.
[...................maybe he won't do the math. maybe. he does not mind if hendrik does not do the math. maybe he should have been less specific.]
So she decided to contact me.
[.............oh no baby is wiggling a little he should be less tense probably]
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...I see.
[If the mother was particularly poor or ill, taking care of such a young baby had to be difficult by herself.]
You must have made quite a connection if she felt it was best to leave the child with you.
[He's not sure how to feel about that. On one hand, it was nice to think that Jasper had made such a strong connection with someone, but on the other...
On other hand, what? There is no other hand in that situation. There is just a hungry baby.
He checks on the teapot again, a little more comfortable with the heat coming off of it. He carries it back to the table and pours some milk into the waiting teacup to test its temperature.]
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It all sounded far more noble than the truth.]
...You make it sound far more meaningful than it truly was.
[Perhaps Hendrik would go on thinking that, but it was more likely than not that he'd hear it pushed through the mouth of the king by the thing wearing his body or some other gossip. At least if Jasper told Hendrik himself, he'd know he knew instead of being driven mad wondering.]
It was intended to be nothing more than a summer tryst. Something that would provide a few nights of stress relief that the two of us could forget about once we got back to our usual business.
[He'll reach over to touch the teacup himself a bit impatiently, although, well... maybe Hendrik would be a better judge of the appropriate temperature...]
Things did not go at all as planned, because why would they, of course things would go wrong even if I took all the necessary precautions, so I chose to take responsibility for at least finding a decent home.
[...honestly, he'd been so set on taking responsibility that he hadn't really pressed for details on why she couldn't find something, though he suspected based on their conversations that it was some sort of tenuous family politics thing that was far easier to deal with if the baby went to some Heliodorian knight instead of, you know, a local Gondolian family member...]
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...Perhaps it was not as meaningful as I imagine such relations to be, but your-- ah, lover still carried this baby to term and decided she wanted a better life for her. She is fortunate to have someone as responsible as you to turn to.
[In all his sincerity, he doesn't even realize how badly a comment like that can be taken.
As he works on tearing off a piece of bread from the half-loaf he had bought, he grimaces inwardly at his stumbling over the word "lover." It's not as if he cannot imagine Jasper with a lover. Perhaps there's just something to acknowledging that thought aloud that makes it awkward.
He dips the end of the bread in the warm milk and holds it out to Jasper.]
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...
Anyway, he'll take the bread and bring it over for the baby to suck on, and after a moment of bafflement she... goes for it... okay. whew. she's eating. She is not going to starve from being a baby who can do fuck all for herself.
...okay. good.
...
now he can, uh, respond to all that.]
...I am fairly certain I was one of the last people she contacted about it. She seemed somewhat surprised I even bothered to make an appearance.
...
[does he need to...
...yeah, alright.]
You... have caught on that I am responsible for the situation in the first place, have you not?
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But. Uh.
He slowly turns his attention solely to Jasper when that question hits, his brows knitting together in confusion.]
Well, yes, of course you are responsible...
[...
...Wait.
Does he mean--]
...Oh.
[And he looks down at the baby again, seeming to notice her gold eyes for the first time.
How does he--? What does he even say?]
Jasper.
[He leans back, having to steady himself and take a break with wide eyes.]
She is adorable.
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...like maybe he wasn’t expecting Hendrik to still be this thick, but also...
...
He looks down at her suckling on that bread, with her curious little eyes and how she fits perfectly into the crook of his arm...]
...
She is far too adorable. It may be a problem. I...
[...
He shakes his head.]
I should not get attached.
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...Well. He wonders how much of this "It may be a problem" conversation is even appropriate while Jasper is still busy trying to feed the baby.]
Like it or not, like her or not, she will still need to be fed tonight. And-- er, you will need to eat something at some point, as you will not be sleeping tonight.
[He should probably not be so matter-of-fact about that, but it's true.]
I will look if there are any leftovers in the kitchens. Will you be able to continue feeding her with the bread and milk?
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[...................wait he kind of just had a knee jerk reaction of being indignant about that.
...where did that even come from. oh god. he’s fucked. he may as well just start trying to think about names now instead of pretending he’s still seriously considering giving her up to someone.
...................but then again his situation is kind of bad. He’s going to crash probably even if he’s wired now, and that’s just tonight...
Fuck.
...oh right his stomach also kind of hurts from being hungry... He clears his throat after he kind of regains his bearings after his protest.]
...in any case, I do believe I have a decent enough understanding of what I am doing at this point. Some food would be appreciated, of course. At this point, I am not even certain I care what food I eat...
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They can talk about that later.
He stands up despite having just sat down, already heading for the door.]
...Fortunately, food for adults should be much more easy to come by than what can be fed to the little one. I will return soon.
[And that's all he says in way of farewell before slipping out the door and into the hallway, making a beeline for the kitchens.]
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[...hm. He probably should dip the bread in the milk again right about now, huh. Let him just... go ahead and do that. She still seems pretty hungry? She’s still going pretty hard...
...
Since she isn’t much of a conversationalist outside of the occasional tiny grunt he’s kind of left to his own thoughts, which isn’t much of a good thing, given Jasper’s tendency to be Jasper. Like... that was probably the most substantial interaction with Hendrik he’d had in a while, wasn’t it? Since he’d been promoted, probably. And... well, okay. It was kind of nice to see that he hadn’t changed nearly as much as he thought he had. He was still Hendrik, in all his good-naturedly stupid glory. Kind of dumb, but sincere and helpful.
...and, you know, still better than Jasper at everything that actually mattered. Childcare was a really new and unexpected subject to be ashamed about being upstaged in, but boy, did it somehow sting. He probably should at least be grateful that Hendrik was giving helpful advice instead of them both fumbling through to the detriment of this poor, helpless little creature, though...
...right. What can he do for her that seems right... well. He probably should get back to work on that treasure chest. He at least knows that she shouldn’t sleep directly in bed with him, that’s only logical. So that’s something for when she’s done eating. Maybe he can make Hendrik hold her—
..............what if she ended up liking Hendrik more because he actually knew what to do. What the fuck. That would be terrible.
...but on the other hand it would be the natural consequence of trying to raise a baby when you had no business doing so. Oh, wait, she seems like she’s done? He thinks so, anyway. She’s stopped sucking on the bread...]
Are you sure you are finished? Well, I suppose you will let me know when you are hungry again.
[...oh, right, don’t babies need to be burped or something... hang on, let him set the bread down so he can get a bib or a towel to put over his shoulder. Wait, is that only if she fusses? He guesses it can’t hurt.]
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This entire evening has been so downright surreal that Hendrik is not even sure the time of night. The kitchens are quiet as he approaches, which tells him the staff have cleared out already, which in turn tells him it must be fairly late...
He looks at the shelves and cabinets first. The weather is cold enough that the kitchens are pretty chilly without any fires going, so he isn't too surprised to see some salted meats and cheeses sitting out. He locates a platter on which to put some things, grabbing a block of cheese and hammer before reconsidering.
Jasper still liked sweets, didn't he?
So he's soon digging around in the pantry and icebox, finding a quarter of a leftover berry jam cake and berry pudding. The cake is added to the platter and some of the pudding scooped into a bowl before he grabs utensils on the way out.
Well, at the very least, he can say he tried to get a variety of things.
The trip back to Jasper's room is pretty quiet, with only one encounter with a patrolling guardsman. Receiving a salute instead of being questioned why he's out at night still continues to be novel, years after his promotion.
He reenters Jasper's room with a polite knock, this time not waiting to be invited in.]
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...it doesn’t decrease his appetite, at least, because his face lights up a bit when his eyes settle on the platter. Goddess, why was he ever mad at Hendrik, he is a good man who remembers to bring him dessert.]
...are you telling me I missed more cake with dinner...?
[...okay let him wipe baby’s face off and adjust her a bit in his lap and left arm so he can eat one-handed. Now that she’s fed and burped she seems reasonably chilled out, so it shouldn’t really be a problem.]
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