guffawsungraciously | psl time: single dad au edition

Mm?

[Hendrik blinks down at the plate he's holding when he hears Jasper's question. He hadn't actually stayed for dessert while taking dinner, wanting to get vegetables together to take down to Obsidian.]

I do not know how much cake was served at dinner. This was just what I found in the kitchens.

[After shutting the door behind him, Hendrik brings the platter over to the table, trying to carefully rearrange things with the limited space. He then starts breaking off little pieces of the cheese, because he figures Jasper's not going to mind when there's other options available.]

How was the feeding? Did you have any trouble?

I am certain I must have missed more.

[GRUMBLE GRUMBLE. Well, the fact that it was there at all was good. ......then again, he didn’t really have competition any more, did he.

...

...Anyway, he goes for a fork to cut off a little bit of that cake.]

No, it went rather well, I believe. She seem to be in decent enough spirits now, at any rate.

[He looks down at her and smiles.]

Is that not right, little freeloader?

[She looks at him with an expression he’s not sure he can read and then yawns........ with his validation denied to him by his daughter being too young to properly react, Jasper just goes ahead and stuffs a bite of cake in his mouth in a vaguely sulky way.]

[Skies, how many smiles is he going to see from Jasper tonight? He'd always been the more serious of the two of them, so he can't recall as many times where he was so distinctly ... smiley. Affectionate? ...Smiley worked just as well.

So he just watches for a little while, smiling in between eating pieces of cheese. He soon finds his attention wandering back to the milk bottle.]

She will need to be fed at least every four hours. Possibly more often, depending on how old she is. That is why I mentioned you would likely not be sleeping tonight.

[Whether that continued from there depended entirely on what Jasper wanted to do with the baby.

...

Should he mention anything to that effect...?]

It ... looks like you already like her.

...she would be two weeks and six days, I believe, though I suppose she will simply alert me when she is hungry.

[...are four hour naps bad? Then again, he’ll probably be up with racing thoughts a whole lot. He wasn’t exactly sleeping well before this, but...

...yeah. That’s the hard-hitting unspoken question. He takes another bite of cake as he mulls it over.]

I was not actually expecting to get attached, but I have only had her for several hours and yet if anything were to befall her, I would likely go on a bloody rampage that would only end with my own death.

[...]

Mild hyperbole aside, it is making things difficult. I do not think I am equipped for this long term and the environment is not exactly friendly towards raising a child, particularly one as young as her, but ultimately, I do not even know anyone I would trust with her.

[........................like, Hendrik’s even busier than he is, sssso]

Waiting for the baby to tell you she is hungry is ... ah, setting a bad precedent. I have heard that starts the habit of the baby realizing she must cry for any attention at all.

[He scratches the back of his neck at the thought. Older children also get into that habit as well.

He's quiet as he thinks of his own experiences. Certainly, he was much older than the baby when he'd lost his family, but...]

When I was first brought to Heliodor by the King, my options were to join the training to become a knight candidate or be taken in by the church in hopes someone will either adopt me or take me on to learn a craft. Become an apprentice.

[He hadn't liked the uncertainty of the possibilities offered by the church, and he'd already had wishes of becoming a knight. So his decision was seems obvious now.]

Adopting a baby would be difficult. I cannot imagine anyone other than the fairly wealthy taking in an orphan right now.

[But on the other hand, maybe there was a couple who really wanted a child. He casts Jasper a torn look, wishing he could actually say something helpful.]

...

[...he has to admit, that does make sense, but...]

Really, Hendrik, how do you know so much about this...? I cannot recall, were you spending that much time with the princess when she was that young?

[LIKE... HE HAS TO ASK... but anyway, he’s demolished the cake so now it’s time for a little ham before he continues.]

In fairness, her situation and yours are a bit different. She is too young to make choices for herself, and I can care for her until something suitable is found. You do raise a salient point, though, and I find myself concerned about being able to fully evaluate anyone who may be interested. I doubt anyone with ill intentions would leave the skeletons lying around their closets for me to see, after all.

[...it’s half cynicism, half trying to give himself a rational excuse for why it may be better to keep her, really...]

[...Oh, right, he had meant to answer that question, but it fell by the wayside in favor of focusing on other things. He only has to think about sharing the information for a moment, seeing as Jasper already knows of his circumstances.]

Ah, I did not have a chance to help with the Princess... My mother and sisters had many stories about raising babies. My older sisters helped raise me, as well.

[He's a little unsure how to feel admitting as much. Proud? Embarrassed? It was far in the past now, but it still left him warm to think about.

As Jasper rationalizes through how things can go with the baby, he picks at the cheese to give his fingers something to do. Would he be of a similar mindset if this was his child? ...Well, he probably had some better resources, what with his promotion. But even if he wasn't a general, he wouldn't want to give up a child of his own.

So... So he should say that.]

...If you do not want to give up the baby, that is understandable, Jasper.

[...you know... actually...]

That... makes sense, yes. I am... glad you remembered all of them well enough.

[...on some level, it feels impressive enough to him that it brings out some uneasy sincerity. He doesn’t remember nearly as much about his mother, which... well. In fairness, he was much younger when he last saw her, at least in relative terms.

Admittedly, at this very moment, he does wish he remembered her more. It’s kind of a strange realization, to be in this situation. It must have been agonizing for her, since she’d raised him for several years before she had to find a new home for him... and here he was struggling with a child he’d known for less than a day. Would that he could ask her for advice on how to... actually manage this.]

...I know it is natural to feel that way. The trouble comes from the fact that my desire to keep her is at odds with my desire for her to have the best life she can.

[...actually maybe the king would have some advice if, you know, he wasn’t possessed. And also if he didn’t kick Jasper out of the castle for getting some random woman pregnant.

...]

The princess did have a nursemaid after we lost the Queen, did she not? I wonder how expensive it would be to hire someone for assistance...

[Hendrik smiles wanly at Jasper's acknowledgment of where his 'baby knowledge' came from. What a strange situation, for it to suddenly be relevant and useful to ... well, someone he hasn't spoken to at length for years.

He nods at Jasper's logic. Being a single parent sounds remarkably difficult. The fact that His Majesty could have as close a relationship as he had with the Princess before ... everything happened ... was a testament to hard hard he tried to find a balance in his responsibilities.

But Jasper isn't a king. He doesn't have those kinds of resources.]

I assume the Princess had at least two nursemaids. I never saw either of them, but I imagine the assistance depends on how much of the day you require help.

[The nursemaid would also have to rest sometime, which is why he assumes there were at least two employed.]

Hmm.

[all right, PUDDING TIME.]

Perhaps the servants would know. I imagine I will have little time for most of the other things I tend to spend money on, so I am sure I could cover the time I spend on duty...

[...sigh.........]

Farewell, sweet vacation fund. Your sacrifice will allow you to serve a far nobler purpose for the next few years, at least until she is old enough to accompany me...

[...When she’s old enough to travel, it’d be nice to go as a family kind of thing. Kids like playing at the beach, ri—

wait. Hold up. He kind of freezes with a spoonful of pudding like... halfway to his mouth and stares at it. Then glances down at the baby, who is dozing contentedly now that all the excitement has passed and she has some food in her.]

Good Goddess, Hendrik, I am a father now. What is happening here.

[As Jasper continues thinking aloud, Hendrik finds himself wondering how difficult the balance will be for him. He's only had his family's words and what he's observed with Princess Jade to shape any comparisons. His family had neighbors who were more than happy to help with the raising of children. King Carnelian could request the assistance of any nursemaids, doctors, and others in the kingdom...]

I admit I never imagined either of us as fathers, but it is a beautiful moment. You have started your own family, Jasper.

[His eyes follow Jasper's down to the baby, wistfully watching her slumber against his friend's arm.]

I will have to catch up. Someday.

[...

He shakes himself, realizing that's wholly inappropriate right now, and slips to another topic quickly.]

Perhaps you should consider speaking to His Majesty for advice? I-- er, he would likely have some helpful words to impart, from one father to another?

I am still finding the whole thing a bit difficult to wrap my head around, admittedly.

[...But something about Hendrik’s words make him feel a bit warm inside. That’s right... even if it’s just one other person, he has a family again. One that’s undeniably his, where he doesn’t have to find himself questioning his place in it at even the best of times. Then, he was never made to feel unwelcome, but he knew he was still always destined to be the king’s knight rather than his son.

There was no actual ambiguity here. This is his daughter, and he is her father. What the hell, it’s...

...Goddess, he needs to good-naturedly rib Hendrik about whether or not he’s figured out how to talk to pretty girls yet before he starts getting choked up. He almost gets there, but... the mention of the idea of talking to the king feels like having a bucket of ice water dumped right over him.]

I... cannot do that.

[Shit. He’s so thrown off that even Hendrik might notice something’s up. He didn’t even give himself room to say something like “yeah, I’ll think about it, not like you’ll notice if I do or not anyway,” which is bad.]

[Again with these quick changes in reactions. Hendrik frowns and tilts his head, reaching for more of the cheese as he tries to figure out how to process Jasper's response. If he hadn't already seen some nervous reactions tonight, Hendrik imagines he wouldn't have noticed that hesitation.]

Are you worried about what His Majesty might say? I am sure he will be surprised, but the King rarely has a disparaging word for anyone requesting his advice.

[King Carnelian has been colder and and less talkative since the events at Dundrasil, but that seems highly understandable.]

[...should he...

He can’t tell Hendrik. He won’t believe him. If he does believe him, he’ll probably get himself killed. If he doesn’t get himself killed, then...

Then he’ll get all the credit. Just like Dundrasil, he’ll be the hero, and Jasper will be berated for not acting quickly enough, for going gallivanting off to Puerto Valor and focusing more on his vices than his country and leaving some young woman to bear his child.

He can only redeem himself in the king’s eyes if he does this on his own. He can only catch up to Hendrik if he works alone.]

He is already aware, Hendrik. I do not believe he is in the mood to be giving advice on the matter.

[...but fuck, how does he protect his child? He can’t fight the demon on his own, he’s been made quite aware of that, so...]

[Hendrik shifts a little in his seat at the reply. Oh. Of course. Jasper had maybe an hour or more while he was off shopping in the city. Of course he would alert King Carnelian to the baby, whether or not he had decided to keep her.

Well, now he feels a little foolish for choosing that conversation topic. Especially with that remark about the King not being in the mood to give advice. That kind of reaction would make sense, even if he had hoped for a more positive outcome.

So he just goes quiet for a little while, chewing on a bit of cheese rind.]

I see. Then...

[Then he'll just have to step up, won't he? Nodding to himself, Hendrik leans forward, forearms resting on his knees.]

I may not be able to offer advice, but if you or your little one ever need anything, I am at your disposal.

[Jasper tries not to look too visibly relieved that Hendrik just let the subject drop. He fails, but, you know. The change in topic is welcome.]

Come now, Hendrik, I am sure you have enough on your plate. You have certainly been a great help tonight, but I imagine I will be able to take things from here. I am sure there is some reading I can do to ensure that I know what I am doing.

[...]

Though, as I am sure you are already invested, you are welcome to visit us at any time to see how things are progressing. Thinking about it, you probably should visit regularly enough that she is acclimated to you so I do not have to deal with her being intimidated by the enormous general living across the hall. It would not do to have her burst into tears at the very sight of you.

[...because he’s not going to come out and say “it was nice getting to spend time with you again, can we do this more often, I missed you a lot,” no matter how strongly he feels it. There are some things he’s still privately angry about, but actually talking to Hendrik, it it doesn’t feel like he’s changed half as much as Jasper had thought.]

[Hendrik can't help but feel a little put out by Jasper's reply, even if he's being put down gently. He tells himself it's really more than he deserves, considering the length of time that's passed since they've last talked. He can't just expect to barge back into Jasper's life and-- well, be welcomed in every aspect.

But he relaxes somewhat when the invitation is given that he is allowed to visit. When they were much younger, access was practically a presumed thing, especially when he would spend the evenings listening to Jasper read stories.

...

It's that memory that truly cements for him that Jasper will be a good father. A wonderful father. He smiles at the thought.]

Then I will visit when I am able. I would, ah, rather avoid any mishaps with frightening your daughter with my appearance.

[He's already had a few occasions where his height and figure have intimidated children to tears. Not everyone reacts well to him and his ... naturally dour face.]

I will hold you to that, you know. You really ought to try and make time for something other than work.

[Is it a bit selfish? Yes, but Hendrik has always been the sort to single-mindedly focus on something. Jasper kind of wonders if it’s the actual reason they haven’t really spent much time together since the... everything, at least on Hendrik’s end. He’s let himself think all sorts of things, but... honestly... that’s Hendrik alright.

Right. Now to start on his pudding finally. Ah good shit, that pudding. Though...]

...now that I am set on keeping her, I do need to think about names...

Monster attacks have increased since the Darkspawn's birth and someone must answer when His Majesty receives requests for aid. But I will try my best to be present.

[One of the ... er, benefits of being young and single was that one could be a complete workhorse for the kingdom. Add to that his dedication to the King and the country, and ... well, that was quite a formula to promote overworking.

He hasn't had competing priorities in quite awhile. But he really does want to be there for his childhood friend and his new daughter.

It's somewhat fortunate that missions and travel in general had slowed with the signs of a rougher winter for Heliodor.]

Ah... Hm. I do not suppose there would be books of names in the library?

[He glances over at Jasper's considerable collection of books across three bookshelves.]

Or perhaps you have something in here?

I am well aware, and I understand that I will need to take that into account on my own part as well. Just try to remember that you are of no help to anyone if you work yourself to death.

[...honestly, it was almost easier to imagine Hendrik dying of overwork than falling in battle... but that wasn't worth thinking on right now.

...hm. It was... that time of year, wasn't it? It was always kind of funny how these things seemed to happen in winter. Everything changes in an instant, but even if it's stressful and kind of traumatic, he's gotten at least something good out of it. This... is considerably better than learning your mom died, but. You know.]

...I am not sure I would need to put that much work in, actually.

[He sets his spoon back down and gives the child another evaluating look, then gives her soft, downy hair a light stroke.]

I always thought people who named their children after family members were a touch unoriginal, but I do think Celestine fits well enough.

[...it just feels right. There's no way it's any actual reincarnation sort of thing, but... he's fine with being a little sentimental every so often. Besides, there was very little else to remember her by.]

[He frowns wryly at Jasper's talk about overworking. Should he use that 'pot calling the kettle black' saying? ...Maybe not. It's entirely possible he'll mess it up somehow.

But his thoughts on that matter quickly fade when Jasper seems readily prepared to answer his own thought on naming his daughter. Hendrik blinks at the name, as well as the explanation, for a moment feeling like he missed a part of the conversation along the way.]

Celestine?

[Well, he personally likes it. It brings to mind the skies and the heavens. But naming after family members... The only one he even knew about was--]

Your mother?

[look, Jasper takes vacations every so often. He can work as hard as he wants. A week off instantly wipes out everything negative that would result from overwork and he can go back to doing all-nighters. That's how it works, right?

...

If he believes in it hard enough, maybe it will be true. In any case, he nods.]

There really would not be anyone else. Honestly, they do not look that much alike from what I can tell at the moment, but most infants look basically the same regardless...

[...]

But that does not matter in the long run, really. It is still a nice name.

If babies were named by how they first appeared when they came into the world, I feel there would be many children with the same or similar names.

[He's not going to expand beyond that; he's sure his creativity (or lack thereof) will fail him.]

I think it is a wonderful name. And a beautiful sentiment.

[He averts his eyes to the slumbering baby, her tiny hands balled into equally tiny fists. Considering he never got particularly close to the Darkspawn while they were in Dundrasil, he thinks this is the youngest baby he's been around since King Carnelian presented Princess Jade to Jasper and himself.]

I am allowed a bit of sentiment every so often.

[Jasper goes back to finishing up his pudding. He still feels a bit self-conscious about it, but only Hendrik will, you know, get it.

...so would the king, but...

...damn it, ever since Hendrik brought it up, he really wishes he could ask him for advice. But he’s sure it would go nowhere even if it was actually him. He’s kind of morbidly curious about what the demon might say? You know, as a poorly advised lark? He doesn’t feel like drawing the demon’s attention to the fact that he has a small, vulnerable person with him any more than necessary, though. Even if he... knows already.

...oh, that was a not insignificant amount of time spent zoning out. Uh. He looks over at the chest he’s stuffed some blankets into and ponders.]

...I should get her an actual crib, as well, but I really cannot say I want to take her back out into the cold.

[The pensive silence that follows Jasper's remark about sentiment is a long one -- long enough for Hendrik to lean back and look over at that wine bottle again. He should probably address that at some point.

Especially since Jasper has more on his mind than ever.]

I believe what you have will serve until she is a little older. A crib seems more suited for when a baby is moving around more.

[He's fairly sure he didn't spend much time in a crib himself, based off what his sisters had said about carrying him around everywhere and playing with him.

After a moment's hesitation, he reaches over and taps that bottle of wine.]

I hope you will find help before you have to resort to drinking straight from the bottle again.

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