guffawsungraciously | psl time: single dad au edition

Then I will figure out a way to bring it up.

[...Truth be told, he probably would have done so even if Jasper protested. He thinks he has a decent case in favor of Jasper's promotion, instead of what had happened shortly after Dundrasil.

He frowns wryly as he reaches to refill his wine. Just a little more. He'd much rather have beer or liquor, even if they were considered inappropriate in more "formal" settings.]

He said there was little sense in the promotion when there was someone who could take over the role. I ... could see the rationale there, so I did not say much else. He said the army could not afford to have two inexperienced youths in such positions.

[It was probably true, but the bluntness stifled any further desire to ask questions on his part.]

I... see.

[...well, Jasper knows why, but. This is very confusing? Why didn't he tell Hendrik what he told Jasper? The King was angry enough that he's sure that...

...

...You know... he's admittedly still concerned about Hendrik getting all the credit... but he has to wonder...

In any case, he shakes off his confusion so he can respond properly.]

Well, I will be interested in hearing the response. If my experience is still in question, I could potentially work under him for a time until he retires. It is not as though he does not need the help...

[...he grimaces because he sounds a little bit like he's begging, but on the other hand, Hendrik and Lazarite clearly need the help.]

[He's thankful that Jasper doesn't sound despondent upon hearing what His Majesty had said back then; the thought of imparting depressing knowledge doesn't sit well with him, even if he's had to face that reality with his new closeness to the entire process of honoring knights killed in battle.

...Hendrik tries to shake away those thoughts, knowing they have no place in this current setting.]

Even with inexperience being the issue, is this not why you went to Sniflheim? I confess I do not know the breadth of what Sir Lazarite does beyond tactics and supply management, but what he does is beyond my own education.

[His voice lowers to a murmur as he imagines aloud.]

Perhaps if all goes well, you can be properly distinguished for your work.

[And maybe, considering his worries about the monster attacks escalating, they could argue that it would be beneficial to have a second general to combat the issue...

He lifts his free hand to rub the bridge of his nose. That's just a fantasy, unfortunately.]

[...the abject dread Jasper feels at actually going into the king’s rationale is overtaken by the warm, fuzzy feeling that comes with the more explicit confirmation that yes, Hendrik does think he got screwed over... it’s so much easier to face when he actually feels a certain level of solidarity here. He... he probably won’t agree with the king’s apparent judgment, right?]

I... well...

[He shifts a bit to sit up instead of lounging, though he unconsciously ends up in a bit of a slouch. it’s still hard to talk about it because it hurts.

and because even as he rails against it and thinks it’s unfair, some part of him thinks that the king’s judgment was correct.]

...

The king seemed to consider my inability to save the princess from the forces of the Darkspawn a mark against me. That is what he told me at the time.

[He sounds a bit uncertain about it, because he... thought it wasn’t even a secret? He thought everyone knew and agreed but were too polite to say anything, and...]

I do not think it was rational, but...

[...if it wasn’t, would he even have had time to apologize for lashing out? He doesn’t even know. Perhaps that’s the true reason for the discrepancy. He doesn’t know when it was that the king was overtaken, after all...]

It made it somewhat difficult for me to approach him afterwards.

[Silence.

It's strange how ... complete the silence feels in that moment, with Hendrik slowly looking over at Jasper in abject disbelief. Did he... Did he hear that right? How was something like that even possible?

This had happened and he had heard nothing about it?]

That cannot be right. Why would... Why would His Majesty say such a thing? To you?

[He doesn't mean to be in denial, to choose a side in some unconscious way. The words spill out without much -- or maybe any -- thought.]

The Princess was... She was killed by the Darkspawn. I do not understand.

[...he probably shouldn't have expected to be believed on something like this, but it still kind of hurts after everything went so well up until this point... maybe if he explains himself more?]

It is not as thought I wanted to believe it, either. I... I believe it was just... as I said, people do not always act rationally when they are grieving. It was not as though he could take things out on the Darkspawn. Perhaps he regrets it at this point, I do not know. We have not truly spoken on the matter since then.

[...for different reasons than Hendrik probably assumes, but...]

...It simply confuses me that he was not clear with you when he was very clear with me. I had thought if he was in that much pain in the first place, then...

[...he trails off, nervously rubbing the stem of his goblet and looking at the ground, his brows furrowed in confusion. There are... several thoughts coming to mind.

First, he does not know precisely when the King was possessed.

Second, he really does not know if he is just imagining all of this. If Dundrasil had simply broken him somehow and caused him to lose touch with reality.]

[Hendrik reins in any additional exclamations to try his best to listen to Jasper, brows knit in confusion and concern.]

He mentioned nothing of the sort to me. If he had, I would most certainly have spoken to you about it.

[Because it's a ridiculous notion. Jasper was no more responsible for Princess Jade's death than anyone else in the army.]

Queen Eleanor made off with the Princess and the Darkspawn that night. There was no way to communicate that out to the entire retinue until we were clear of the fighting. The Princess' ... death rests with no one but the royals and the Darkspawn.

[And he was even reluctant to paint the king and queen as responsible, given King Carnelian made it sound like King Irwin had been driven into a frenzy.

He sighs heavily and turns his attention back to his goblet, drinking without tasting. Talking about Dundrasil was never easy.]

Perhaps someday you can speak to His Majesty about the subject. Clear the air before it weighs too heavily upon you.

...yes. You are right. I am not even certain if I would have presumed anything was amiss had I seen them together.

[...he probably would have just presumed Eleanor was trying to protect her or get her to safety, given their relationship. Goddess, no wonder the king had been so angry...

...it’s hard to feel reassured even though Hendrik is right. He’s been reevaluating how he could have done things differently to save more people in Dundrasil for years now. And he feels his chest tighten at Hendrik’s suggestion, because he... he wants to, but...]

...perhaps someday, yes. I am not sure if either of us are quite prepared for that yet.

[...he finds himself wondering if he ever even will get that chance. He promptly tries to down the rest of his goblet at the thought that he won’t.]

[It's a heavy topic for both of them and, for stretching it out at all, Hendrik feels guilty. He reaches over and pats Jasper's knee, his chair situated too far for him to pat his old friend's arm or shoulder in an apologetic way.]

I do not mean to belabor the point of speaking to His Majesty. Whenever you are ready. But I do want to assure you that I have not heard of any heinous rumors to the effect of you being blamed.

[But maybe Jasper knows that already. It seems like something he would receive harassment over if the rumor had made it into the main body of the army.]

[Perhaps Jasper should have known that all along. It almost feels a bit silly to have been so concerned about it, but... left to his own devices, he’d let his mind run away with various possibilities.

He’s not fully reassured, but...]

...that is good to know. I have not heard any gossip to that effect myself, either, but it is not as though I am unused to people being unwilling to say things to my face.

[...gossip among the actual knights had dried up compared to what he remembered from his childhood, but...

...]

Of course, I am certain you would censure those who would dare to spread those sorts of rumors quite harshly. You never did have any patience for that sort of behavior.

[Hendrik withdraws his hand to cup his goblet with both hands again, a wry snort escaping as he hears Jasper's remark about his ... tolerance for gossiping.]

It is a strange place to be, having the rank to discipline those who do not uphold the knight's pledge or commit moral failings against their fellows. I find myself wishing we had more lectures.

[A very odd place to be with his less-than-stellar scholarship in their youth.]

But such improvements will have to wait until we have a better handling of current affairs.

[His eyes wander towards the corner of the room where the baby sleeps just out of sight. Helping out Jasper and his new daughter has been a welcome change of pace.]

Ah, I can imagine it would be a bit difficult to handle morale in that sort of situation, with things as difficult as they are. Still, leaving it to go unchecked is also not the best for morale either...

[...there has definitely been a streak of Jasper’s personality that’s kind of wanted to get back at those kinds of people anyway, even if he knows it would be kind of counterproductive to go overboard. Sometimes you’re tired of being nice and you want to go little a apeshit, as a treat.

...oh, wait, Hendrik was talking about helping with Celestine, wasn’t he. He got kind of caught up in other things...]

In any case, I am sure things with Celestine will be somewhat easier when we get things in order and I settle into a routine with her, so I hope I will not need too much assistance from you once the weather clears and you are a bit busier, even if I do hope you still make time to visit.

[Though Jasper commenting on morale is enough to make Hendrik smile a bit, he's glad for the shift in subject. Bringing down the mood of this entire situation seems like a terrible way to end the night.]

By the time the weather clears and I am back on the road, I am sure you will be far more competent with her and finding help than anything I can begin to assist with. You were always the much faster learner.

[With his faint smile in place, Hendrik stretches and considers the door. It takes him a long moment to speak of thoughts that had been on his mind just a short while ago.]

...I am grateful you allowed me to stay here awhile longer. I was ready to leave after she was asleep, having intruded far more today than should be tolerated by anyone, especially at this hour of the evening.

I am sure that will be the case, certainly.

[...but... if Hendrik doesn't help, will he still need an excuse to visit? Ahh, how the hell should he say something like this without sounding kind of pathetic or clingy...]

...I am grateful that you stayed, myself. Your help was deeply appreciated, and even outside of that, it was...

[...fuck... he hesitates a bit before continuing, because Hendrik still seems to think this was an imposition...]

...well, it was nice to... spend some time conversing with each other. It brought to mind the good old days, and it was something of a respite after a stressful day. I should like to do it again at some point when you have the opportunity.

[Hendrik turns his head back in Jasper's direction, still smiling. It's as relaxed as he can get, considering the topic they covered abandoned, even if he looks a little tired as a result.]

The good old days. We are still 23 years young, Jasper. [There's a tinge of hesitation before he amends that comment.] My friend.

[...It feels somewhat presumptuous, but Jasper has thus far been so accepting of his mistakes.]

I will make more of an effort to visit. Or whatever may work with our schedules.

Ah, that is right... we do still have our whole lives ahead of us, do we not?

[Somehow it feels like it's been a decade even if it's only been three years... or maybe it's just that the day is catching up to him and he's feeling tired. It has, admittedly, been a long day, and he finds himself reclining again...]

Well, you are obligated to visit again tomorrow, at the very least. I will ask dear Celestine to behave for you while I am gone.

Ask her to behave? I look forward to seeing who will prove to be the more willful -- you or your daughter.

[But he's already found himself charmed by the little baby, so he can't help but look pleased by the prospect of visiting again so soon.

It's some much-needed light in gloomy times.]

[Jasper chuckles a bit at that as he pulls himself to sit back up again.]

Do be cautious about repeating that when I am better rested, Hendrik. I may very well be compelled to see if she is interested in a conspiracy against you.

[He's at least polite enough to cover his mouth as he yawns, then reluctantly pushes himself to his feet and brushes his bangs aside as he does so.]

Fortunately for you, I am presently in need of some rest so that I can wake up in time to make sure she is fed. I would imagine you also need some time to go over the notes for tomorrow's speech, do you not?

[Jasper's words loosen a snort of amusement from Hendrik, and he slowly climbs to his feet as well, setting the emptied goblet on the chair he just vacated.]

I will at least make the attempt before I go to sleep.

[Someday he will not do his studying at the last minute. Today is not that day.]

I shall drop by after I finish with my business at noon, if it pleases you. Best give you as much daylight as possible for your shopping.

Ah, I would be ever so tempted to see if I could sit in under other circumstances, but... well, I have other concerns at the moment.

[Jasper picks up his own goblet and picks up Hendrik's so he can put it on his desk, before heading towards the divider separating his bed from the rest of his room.]

I shall see you then, my friend. Have a good night.

psl time: single dad au edition

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