guffawsungraciously | UNKNOWN SEAS INVENTORY

EQUIPMENT

NIGHTMARE HORN: Despite the name, it's a large, twisted branch covered in thorns, with exposed portions within the wood that seem to glow with blue light. It doesn't seem to do anything here… Outside of, well, being a really big stick. You can probably whack people with it? well, he'll give it away even if it seems neat... Returned to Freyja, sadly
LABCOAT: A standard white labcoat, perfect for pretending you’re a lab assistant to some kind of professor! Keeping x2
“SOCIAL DISTANCING DEVICE:" A six-foot-long staff, with a pointed blade at the end. Yep, it’s a spear! Has all the powers of a spear, too. Like stabbing. Keeping.
RED ICE CAP: A crown-shaped cap made of reddish ice. Somehow doesn't melt. Returned to Adeline.
"EXTRA-LARGE SPICE GRINDER: It’s. It’s just a full-on Medieval-style mace. Keeping x2
“LETTER OPENER:” A serrated combat knife that wouldn’t be out of place trying to survive in the wilderness. Keeping.
FOAM DART PISTOL: A small pistol that uses pressurized air to shoot foam darts! No notable brand, but it works well enough. Keeping x2
WEIRDLY SPECIFIC T-SHIRT: Hang on, how many people does this actually apply to? Also it’s like size XXXL. Keeping for alterations x2.
TOKEN OF FEALTY: A shiny gold pendant that looks as though it has been well cared for. OF COURSE HE'S KEEPING... them. because he has two, now that Flayn's returned one to him
THE HELIODORIAN: Fancy platinum armor with the Heliodorian double eagle on the breastplate.

ITEMS

PARTY POPPER: A surprise tool to help us later. Popped off in memoriam.
DIAMOND: Literally just a raw diamond, about the size of a pea, that looks freshly dug up from somewhere. Possibly keeping.
~~GUMMY FISH: A ziploc bag of red fish-shaped candy. Actually pretty good, if you like that sort of thing! Eating.~~ Eaten.
RATIONS: A set of military rations. At least they’ll never go bad? take it please.
DONUT: These donuts are great! Jelly-filled are my favorite! Which is to say yes, this is a single jelly-filled donut. It doesn’t even look suspiciously like any other kind of food. definitely eating. Eaten.
THE DREADED KNARREVIK: An IKEA-branded nightstand! Comes unassembled in-box with the instructions missing. Good luck! he might mess around with this actually
LIFE-SIZED STUFFED PENGUIN: A stuffed penguin about a foot and a half tall. Looks almost real, but is almost unbelievably soft. Up for grabs.
PARKOUR 101: A handbook on how to do all kinds of sick jumps and flips and things that cool kids did in whatever year it was when parkour was hilariously big. Would probably be more useful outside of your current environment. Keeping until he finishes reading it.
ORIGAMI INSTRUCTIONS: A book of instructions on how to fold paper into cool things! Unfortunately, it doesn’t actually come with any paper. Keeping.
"ALMOND FLAVORING:" A tightly-sealed vial of some kind of powder with a skull and crossbones on it and a very direct warning label informing the reader that it’s Literally Just Cyanide. Keeping x2.
DOLL'S DRESS: A white box tied with a blue ribbon and wax seal. Inside is a frilly pink dress for a large doll. Returned to Sara.
CHARLIE PANTS: A doll of a just wildly creepy-looking clown. Yeeted off the side.
AN EGG: Can the vending machine offer you one of these in this trying time? Hard-boiled, at least. Eaten.
A BAG OF CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES: Homemade and full of chocolate-chip goodness! Eaten.
PHOTOGRAPH: A photo of Risotto. It's ... certainly a photo alright. Probably going to give to Risotto.
BOX OF CHOCOLATES: Wow, it’s just like life! Careful not to grab the one that just kinda tastes like it’s full of shampoo. Eating.
NON-DESCRIPT GOLDEN MAN AWARD: A gold statue of a blank man, sized to be held in one hand! A sign on the bottom says it’s for… Best Grandma? Unfortunately it’s not even made out of gold, it’s just gold-painted bronze. Up for grabs if you, like, want it
BUCKET OF BRICKS: A plastic bucket with a lid full of small, colorful, interconnecting blocks. The only limit to what you can build is your imagination! No minifigures included, we’re not made of money. Keeping.
MARIONETTE: An intricate and complex puppet that either looks creepy or cool, depending on your point of view. Surprisingly fun to mix and match with each other! Yeeting x2
AT-HOME PLANETARIUM: A glass ball that lights up and projects stars! Doesn’t work if the room is too big or if the lights are on, though. Keeping.
BOOTLEG BEAR PLUSH: A plush of some strange bear that’s black on its right side and white on its left, with one poorly-stitched red eye. Who is he? Why is he here? He has a terrible aura... Keeping x2.
GAMER FUEL: It’s.... a salt shaker? Full of salt? SALT. SALT. SALT. aka keeping.
WOODEN FLUTE: Hand-carved and actually really nice. There’s not even really a drawback to this one. Up for grabs.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT MARGARINE! A single stick of unsalted butter. Better refrigerate it. Put on pancakes.
HOT SAUCE: A bottle of very strong hot sauce! Use at your own risk! Up for grabs.
HAND-MADE PAPER: Just a loose stack of really fancy bespoke paper! To make those letters you write in case of your death really pop, you know? Keeping.
DO-IT-YOURSELF MIME KIT: A very fancy makeup kit! All in shades of white and black. If being a mime isn’t your thing, it might Miraculously help you fit in with a different group of people… Stripped for parts.
PIN-UP CALENDAR? A calendar for the year 2015, featuring lurid pictures of… various robots? Sorry, Data. ..........keeping

KEY ITEMS

Rubber Hand: A rubber hand that seems like it belongs to someone decidedly inhuman attempting to pass off as human. Found in the pattern container in the sewing room.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I hope that Constantine has explained our plan in some manner, but if not, we came up with a plan to try and get the lot of you out through some sort of means that would only exist in whatever afterlife awaits us. It had to be a two-person affair to ensure that there would be no wrongful conviction, and Constantine needed to put on a show to mislead our dear Captain so he could not interfere with our scheme.

I feel as though I ought to apologize for putting this on you after you have dealt with all the rest of this. For what it is worth, you have been a fantastic roommate, and I believe you have displayed remarkable fortitude in dealing with this sort of situation. I know you have dealt with some fairly horrific things back home, but this is, perhaps, a different sort of horror. If it comes to pass that our paths do not properly pass again, know that I believe you will come out of this perfectly fine. I know you have your doubts, but I believe in your ability to handle whatever happens after this.

I do have one request, in the event that death is as irreversible as it generally tends to be. If you manage to find a way to visit Erdrea, I would request that you deliver a letter to a man named Hendrik. He is a massive man with purple hair, so he is fairly difficult to miss in a crowd. I feel as though you ought to take one of the more human-looking members of our number with you, given that you resemble a monster and... well, I have not been terribly transparent about my actions back home, but my reputation is likely not particularly good given that, among other things, I freed a dangerous witch from her prison in order to kill him. Perhaps you ought to bring Flayn or Data or someone equally innocuous with you. I know they are not human either, but at least they pass well enough.

Edited 2021-03-20 22:43 (UTC)

Thank you for your help with the fruit sandwiches. I find myself wondering if I ought to have taken a moment to confess to you again... or, perhaps, some completely anonymous bishop of Fodlan who just happens to also be on this boat. There is certainly a fair amount I should have confessed to at some point or another, but I suppose it is too late for that. I will try to do what I can on the other side, at any rate; it was a desperate act, but these are desperate times.

Do take care of yourself and the others, at any rate. I really do want to see you all succeed.

You know, I really do hope you make it out of this, at least. It is not for any particularly sentimental reason, but I have enjoyed your company.

Please do get a bullseye or several with those pictures I provided.

Thank you for listening to some of my baggage. I likely should not have unloaded that much on you, in retrospect, but you seemed like the sort of person who would be not terribly judgmental about the whole thing. Perhaps you were and you were good at hiding it, but either way, I do appreciate it.

Please do not mention this if things turn out well, by the by. Actually, do not mention this even if they do not. I admittedly hate that I said anything at all.

Edited 2021-03-20 21:16 (UTC)

Honestly, it is difficult to think of what to say in these things, because I am not particularly good at expressing my feelings, but after some events in my past that I have spent a great deal of time ruminating on I believe I should actually express my feelings instead of sitting on them.

In any case, I have enjoyed my conversations with you and learning about what could potentially be in store for the future of my world, even if I doubt I will ever see it myself. I feel as though this may be a bit of an imposition, but I have asked Flayn and Filbo if they would deliver a letter for me, and perhaps I ought to ask you as well. I think you would find Erdrea interesting, at any rate.

Edited 2021-03-20 22:56 (UTC)

Do not let go of the bombastic melodrama, no matter what anyone tells you. You have style and I think you will go far. Not that you have not already, of course, but you know what I mean.

Also, thank you for the banana bread. It was delicious.

However improbable it is, I hope you get to experience that peaceful scene you wanted.

Look at me, being sentimental. I really am getting soft. Do not tell anyone about this.

[This is a pretty thick envelope! If you press down on it you can feel two pendant-shaped objects in it, which seems to comprise the bulk of the weight.

It also has Hendrik's name on the front, but you know.]

It really is hard to determine how to start this. By now, I am certain all my actions have been exposed to you, and... well, I hope you have identified Mordegon. If you have not, the king is possessed by Mordegon. I seem to have been the only one who has noticed over the past sixteen years. Yes, this is indeed a sore spot.

I suppose you want an explanation for all of this, and to tell the truth, I wished to deliver it in person, but it seems that will be impossible. Mordegon had every intention of silencing me before I was suddenly pulled elsewhere, because I had become a liability rather than a useful pawn. I suppose I should have expected it, really, given how that seemed to be how every relationship in my life has gone. Or... how he wanted it to go. I genuinely do not know.

You see, Hendrik, I was tired of you outshining me. That was the reason for it all. It was not just that you got all the praise and golden opportunities while it felt like I was consistently given the short end of the stick--it felt like you had passed me by without a glance back in my direction. As you strode ever further into the light, it felt as though I receded deep into your shadow.

I wanted to be like you, Hendrik. I wanted to stand by your side as we had promised, and yet it felt as though you had forgotten all about it. It made it easy for me to believe Mordegon's insistence that love, friendship, hopes, and dreams were all useless, and that I would be happier in his service.

It is difficult to explain, but after my disappearance, I was given the impression that you felt the same way by your friend Sylvando, whose true identity I presume you have ascertained by this point. He was from a different future--one where the designs of my master came to fruition instead of being interrupted by... well, I am not entirely sure what, to be honest. The Luminary's bizarre, evil-looking sword, perhaps.

Again, I had wanted to ask you to confirm for yourself, but I met my end on stranger tides. I am certain the individuals who delivered you this letter can explain, as I have already spent enough ink as it is. I... hoped to save them, somehow. We became close through adversity, and when it seemed as though things were too desperate, I... wanted to attempt to do what you might do in the same situation.

Perhaps it was foolish, but you are a damned fool yourself, so I would assume I succeeded in my endeavor. I know that I likely do not deserve your mercy, but I hope you treat my former companions well. The ones I explicitly sent are, in my estimation, unambiguously good people, though they may have several individuals with morals more akin to my own accompanying them. My one request is that you treat them with kindness as well. I presume I can call that favor in, at least.

...I want to believe what I was told about you, but it has been so long that I still hold my doubts. I want to believe that even after everything that happened, you would still consider me your comrade and companion.

I suppose I will never truly know now, but I hope we somehow meet again in another life. I truly cannot imagine my life without you in it, my friend.

UNKNOWN SEAS INVENTORY

EQUIPMENT

ITEMS

KEY ITEMS

FILBO

FLAYN

MAGICA

YEAGER

DATA

LELOUCH

ZAVEID

HENDRIK